The idea of bringing a new life into this world was something other women might be excited about if war didn't impact them. If they didn't have nightmares crawling into their minds as they slept. Some women may even dream about the day they started a family. For Rey, it was never in her mind. It was a fact she could, one day, carry a child, but it was disconnected from the rest of her mind. The idea was there, but she never thought it would come to fruition.
Now there was a life growing inside of her. A part of her, a part of Cassian.
They had briefly talked about what they would do, if they survived. How they would have to adjust to a life where they weren't fighting. How odd that would be, but it would be a life they should share together. Maybe there was the discussion of a child, or children one day, but it didn't come to the forefront of her mind.
Once they were inside Cassian's cabin, she found herself leaning against the wall trying to steady her breathing and calm her heart. Her mind was running with what she believed she needed to do, and she had to force herself to take small pauses. To think of Cassian's name, his face, to break that habit. She wasn't alone. He was there. He asked her to not push him away.
His hand reached out to hers and she took it without hesitation. Her fingers lacing with his before pulling him into an embrace, needing comfort. Needing to hold him to help ground herself.
"I don't know..." she began, her voice wavering, emotions running high. "I don't know if I should be happy? But this...we didn't want this? And I don't know if you want to be a father--and I don't know how to be a mother." Stars, she barely remembered her own.
"We're at war, Cassian. We're at war and we can't...we shouldn't have a child, right?"
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-09-08 10:05 pm (UTC)Now there was a life growing inside of her. A part of her, a part of Cassian.
They had briefly talked about what they would do, if they survived. How they would have to adjust to a life where they weren't fighting. How odd that would be, but it would be a life they should share together. Maybe there was the discussion of a child, or children one day, but it didn't come to the forefront of her mind.
Once they were inside Cassian's cabin, she found herself leaning against the wall trying to steady her breathing and calm her heart. Her mind was running with what she believed she needed to do, and she had to force herself to take small pauses. To think of Cassian's name, his face, to break that habit. She wasn't alone. He was there. He asked her to not push him away.
His hand reached out to hers and she took it without hesitation. Her fingers lacing with his before pulling him into an embrace, needing comfort. Needing to hold him to help ground herself.
"I don't know..." she began, her voice wavering, emotions running high. "I don't know if I should be happy? But this...we didn't want this? And I don't know if you want to be a father--and I don't know how to be a mother." Stars, she barely remembered her own.
"We're at war, Cassian. We're at war and we can't...we shouldn't have a child, right?"