For ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rebellionbuilt
Jul. 18th, 2019 08:56 amtalentedscavengerWar wasn't kind, it wasn't nice, and didn't care if you lived or died. War consumed time and bodies as nourishment to keep growing. Didn't matter if someone was fighting for good, to stop an Empire from seizing all of the galaxy, or not. Nothing was ever guaranteed in war, except a high amount of causalities. Finding romance, or kinship was never part of Rey's plan when she joined the Rebellion.
She wanted to make a difference. She wanted to provide aide and not stand by while the Empire continued to terrorize innocent people across the galaxy. The propaganda they put out was mind numbing and Rey wanted nothing to do with it. The orphan from Jakku left the only planet she had ever known to fight...and some how, between the missions, fixing ships, and facing danger at nearly every turn, she had found companionship with one of the best spies in the Rebellion. Captain Cassian Andor.
Nothing had been the same since she drunkenly confessed to him, giving him a kiss, and hoping he returned the same feelings. If they weren't, she would've let go of him and buried herself in work. But, he had feelings for her. It took hard work, but they made it work. They endured long separations, spats, and face death countless times, but they came out of it together. They had each other, and that's all that mattered to them. As long as they focused on their future, of ending a war, they could have a family. They could....be normal people, or figure out how to live a life away from war.
They had gone to bed together, in Cassian's quarters, both dead tired from their last mission. She wanted sleep. She wanted a dreamless sleep that would allow her to rest. Instead, she had feverish dreams of a weapon the size of the moon, of glowing swords, a man in black armor, and...a tiny baby being held by her and Cassian. Joy and sorrow on their faces as they cradled the infant. There were explosions, and the taste of sulfur in the air. All of it was in a blur that prompted Rey to sit up and crawl out of bed to empty her stomach in the 'Fresher.
Beads of sweat clung to her forehead, and her back was slick. Her mind was racing. There had been speculation that she could be...Force sensitive? Was that what Chirrut had said? Havng visions, or being so in tune with something...she didn't know. But what she saw...the death, and that weapon...and a child. Did it mean...she was pregnant? If any of it was true, and she was... it made her both elated and petrified at the same time.
Fuck, if she told Cassian, he'd think she was crazy. But could she even tell him?
She wanted to make a difference. She wanted to provide aide and not stand by while the Empire continued to terrorize innocent people across the galaxy. The propaganda they put out was mind numbing and Rey wanted nothing to do with it. The orphan from Jakku left the only planet she had ever known to fight...and some how, between the missions, fixing ships, and facing danger at nearly every turn, she had found companionship with one of the best spies in the Rebellion. Captain Cassian Andor.
Nothing had been the same since she drunkenly confessed to him, giving him a kiss, and hoping he returned the same feelings. If they weren't, she would've let go of him and buried herself in work. But, he had feelings for her. It took hard work, but they made it work. They endured long separations, spats, and face death countless times, but they came out of it together. They had each other, and that's all that mattered to them. As long as they focused on their future, of ending a war, they could have a family. They could....be normal people, or figure out how to live a life away from war.
They had gone to bed together, in Cassian's quarters, both dead tired from their last mission. She wanted sleep. She wanted a dreamless sleep that would allow her to rest. Instead, she had feverish dreams of a weapon the size of the moon, of glowing swords, a man in black armor, and...a tiny baby being held by her and Cassian. Joy and sorrow on their faces as they cradled the infant. There were explosions, and the taste of sulfur in the air. All of it was in a blur that prompted Rey to sit up and crawl out of bed to empty her stomach in the 'Fresher.
Beads of sweat clung to her forehead, and her back was slick. Her mind was racing. There had been speculation that she could be...Force sensitive? Was that what Chirrut had said? Havng visions, or being so in tune with something...she didn't know. But what she saw...the death, and that weapon...and a child. Did it mean...she was pregnant? If any of it was true, and she was... it made her both elated and petrified at the same time.
Fuck, if she told Cassian, he'd think she was crazy. But could she even tell him?
no subject
Date: 2020-08-21 06:24 pm (UTC)He knew he couldn't get caught up in the what ifs of the situation. He needed to be wholly present for Rey. Later, once their suspicions were either confirmed or denied, Cassian could afford (maybe) to sit and contemplate on thoughts he'd buried long, long ago.
Cassian helped Rey down hallways that were blessedly clear of any other personnel, even though he knew that on a base this size, the action never really ceased. He sat with her and held her hand as the droid methodically drew her blood and ran the necessary tests, hoping that his presence helped to calm some of her worries, or helped reassure her that whatever the result, they were in it together.
The droid dispassionately confirmed Rey's pregnancy and Cassian's vision went black for a long moment. He didn't know what to say, much less how to feel, and so, he felt trapped between elation and terror, unsure as to which answer would be the right one.
He knew exactly what the droid would suggest, and fixed it with a warning glance that sent it skittering in another direction entirely. When he looked back to Rey, it was with an expression that was much softer, although still concerned. "That's a discussion better had in private, don't you think?"
Maybe the walk back to his quarters would help clear his mind a little, give him some idea of how he was feeling, what he wanted, what would be the right decision for them.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-23 01:08 pm (UTC)Rey wasn't sure how Cassian felt. He was hard to read, withdrawn and she didn't know what they would do. Hence the question...it wasn't just her decision, but theirs.
Thankfully, the droid said nothing in part due to the look Cassian gave it. The expression on his face was one she could read, could ground herself with. She gave a slow nod, wanting to reach out for his hand, to lean against him and seek out comfort, but they had to walk back to his room. They could run into someone they knew, who would see how clingy Rey was and start speculating what was happening. Neither of them could afford rumors flying about until they knew what they wanted to do.
"Yes," she murmured, standing back up on her two feet, walking back with Cassian, trying to keep a stoic face and tight lid on her emotions. The walk back to his quarters was made in silence, with Rey focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Her heart was pounding so loud in her chest, she hoped no one else could hear it.
Once they were back in his room, she didn't know what to say or even how to dissect the question she raised earlier.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-06 04:11 am (UTC)Not only that, but he couldn't help the ever-present thought that he, of all people in the universe, didn't deserve to have anything good. Not after the lies that he'd told, the things that he'd done, the people that he'd hurt, unintentionally and otherwise.
But if he was good at anything, it was compartmentalizing his feelings in order to focus on the task at hand - and that, for now, was escorting Rey back to his quarters so that they could process what they had just learned. They could talk, but he wasn't sure he was ready for any questions asked of him.
A baby.
His head was spinning. Perhaps it made him seem unaffected, but he was anything but. the last thing he wanted was to run into anyone in the halls and alert them to the fact that something was - well, not necessarily wrong, but something out of the ordinary was occurring. Thankfully, the few people that passed paid them no mind. It was only when they were safely within the privacy of Cassian's quarters that he felt like he could breathe again.
Once the door slid closed, he turned to face Rey, his expression questioning, worried. After a long moment, he breached the distance between them, reaching to lace their fingers together, squeezing gently, as reassuringly as he could.
Far from 'what are we going to do', the first question that left his lips was -
"How do you feel?"
no subject
Date: 2021-09-08 10:05 pm (UTC)Now there was a life growing inside of her. A part of her, a part of Cassian.
They had briefly talked about what they would do, if they survived. How they would have to adjust to a life where they weren't fighting. How odd that would be, but it would be a life they should share together. Maybe there was the discussion of a child, or children one day, but it didn't come to the forefront of her mind.
Once they were inside Cassian's cabin, she found herself leaning against the wall trying to steady her breathing and calm her heart. Her mind was running with what she believed she needed to do, and she had to force herself to take small pauses. To think of Cassian's name, his face, to break that habit. She wasn't alone. He was there. He asked her to not push him away.
His hand reached out to hers and she took it without hesitation. Her fingers lacing with his before pulling him into an embrace, needing comfort. Needing to hold him to help ground herself.
"I don't know..." she began, her voice wavering, emotions running high. "I don't know if I should be happy? But this...we didn't want this? And I don't know if you want to be a father--and I don't know how to be a mother." Stars, she barely remembered her own.
"We're at war, Cassian. We're at war and we can't...we shouldn't have a child, right?"